Fake News

Clint Barmes Eyeing MLB Comeback With Pittsburgh Pirates

Never say never Pittsburgh Pirate Fans!  Get ready to bust our your Journey CD’s, as beloved fan favorite Clint Barmes could possibly come out of retirement to join the ranks of the Pittsburgh Pirates once again for the 2018 season.

After a three year stint with the Pittsburgh Pirates, Clint Barmes was traded to the San Diego Padres for a new Powerade vending machine to replace the aging RC Cola vending machine that currently sits in the Pirates Clubhouse.  SportNewsNow spoke to a few Pirates players who expressed their dislike over RC Cola, and associated it to playing for a team in a third world country like Syria or Venezuela.

One player was quoted as saying, “We know that our team owner Bob Nutting is cheap, but R.C. Cola?  Come on man…”

The team held a vote as to what sort of vending machine they would like in the Clubhouse, and Gatorade was the overwhelming response.  However, the Pittsburgh Pirates were unable to secure a trade for a new or used Gatorade vending machine, and had to settle for a slightly used Powerade machine from the San Diego Padres, in return for veteran shortstop Clint Barmes.

After a sad and pitiful 2017 baseball season for the Pirates, the team found themselves sitting on a mountain of cash that they had saved from not paying Jung Ho Kang, Starling Marte, Tony Watson, and from releasing ace reliever Juan Nicasio.

Team management debated on bringing on another starting pitcher, 1 or 2 veteran relievers, or a veteran bat that could provide some offensive power for the team.  However, Neil Huntington feels that what the young Pittsburgh Pirates team needs instead is a “True All Star Veteran”, that can teach/mentor the young players about the ups and downs of baseball at the major league level.  After all, Barmes was an All Star for one season of his amazing career.

There is still no firm number yet on what it will cost Clint Barmes to come out of retirement, but scouts and executives are figuring a nice package in the neighborhood of $12-15 million dollars for a one year deal.  That’s pretty nice for Clint and his family, as well as all of the fans of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Also, as an additional perk, Bob Nutting has agreed to contribute towards the cost of each players Powerade, which after the franchise portion, will only cost $2.50 per drink from the player.  Now that’s a sweet sweet deal.

Note:  This is a satire story and is not real or intended to be real.  This is not endorsed by the Pittsburgh Pirates, Major League Baseball, San Diego Padres, RC Cola, Gatorade, or Powerade.  It’s a funny story made for some laughs.

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